In today’s busy world, parents find very little time to be involved in the upbringing and development of their children. “Fathers bring a unique presence, a special force to parenting,” says clinical psychologist Ray Guarendia, in his book “Back to the Family.”

How true is this in raising daughters! Just as there is a special bond between mothers and sons, the relationship between fathers and daughters is unique. Therefore, fathers cannot afford to remain remote characters in their daughters’ lives. Parenting is a joint venture, in which fathers are just as active participants as mothers.

There are several reasons why parental involvement becomes limited.

o Ambitious and overworked dads put their work before the well-being of their families. They come home too tired to spend quality time with their children. Often the children are asleep when they return and go to school before the parents wake up.

o Absent Parents: Those with traveling jobs, such as airline pilots, sales representatives, businessmen, or long-haul truck drivers, may be away from home frequently, sometimes for extended periods.

o Divorced dads with limited visitation rights also cannot spend enough time with their children.

o False notions that girls should be raised exclusively by mothers or women in the home cause men to distance themselves from their daughters. They feel uncomfortable showing affection, so they miss out on what little intimacy they could share with their daughters.

The word “dad” is universal in nature. It evokes qualities of responsibility, protection, love and discipline. Being a father can be a rewarding job, and a man who abdicates responsibility for it is not up to the role God has given him. John Rosemond, a family counselor, wrote in one of his articles that a father must not only be present, but also “actively participate” and be “a vigorously interested participant” in the child-rearing process.

Jawaharlal Nehru, the first Prime Minister of India, spent long periods in prison during India’s struggle for independence. He deeply regretted the separation from his beloved daughter Indira, but kept in touch with her through letters, which were later compiled into a book “Glimpses of World History”. These letters express her deep love for her and the ease with which he expressed it.

“Priyadarshini, beloved in my sight but even dearer to my heart…”

“I think of the day the three of us meet again, and the thought lights up and gladdens my heart.”

Despite being absent, her interest in Universal History, Science and Politics awoke in her, which contributed in no small measure to shaping her character.

Or who can forget dad William Jackson Smart, who single-handedly raised six children in rural Washington, and his daughter, Mrs. Dodd, who fought for Father’s Day in dedication to dads like him.

To be a good parent, one must be aware of some essential requirements.

or Show love. No father should feel ashamed of showing affection to his daughter. A caress, a hug, a special smile and three little words “I love you” are tangible ways to communicate love. She learns to reciprocate that love. This is her first male-female relationship with her father, and it will influence her behavior with her husband in the future. The first reflection of herself as a woman comes from her father. How does she look at her? Does he accept her without reservation? Or does he treat her as inferior to her brother? When he shows respect, she feels worthwhile as an individual. When he ignores her or is overly critical, she begins to feel worthless.

o Show love and respect to your mother. A good and loving relationship between the parents is the foundation for their evolution towards a happy and well-balanced child. It gives you a sense of security and a good opinion about the marriage.

o Shared Activities: A good father will show interest in his daughter’s activities. He will make her feel good about her abilities and accomplishments. He will find something to praise. A father should be the cheerleader for her daughter. Doing things together like reading, walking, playing games is time well spent. She will also learn to see things through her eyes as she guides him through her wonderland. Time is a very precious gift.

o Communication: Listening and paying attention to what a daughter says is a way of showing love. What may seem silly to an adult may be annoying to a child. They should be encouraged to talk about her school problems, peer pressure, studies or any other conflict situation. A good father will help her find solutions to her problems. He will teach not to blame. She will be free to express her opinions and will be open to advice.

o Respect: A girl should be considered as a person and not as a possession. She must respect her right to privacy and her space to grow.

o Honesty: Being honest with your child will make a parent trustworthy in your estimation. His questions must be answered sensibly. He must be taught to distinguish between good and evil, honesty and dishonesty. He should not be forced to do what he does not want by offering incentives, threats or emotional blackmail.

o Discipline: “Discipline is one of the most loving and enduring gifts a parent can give their child,” says Gaurendi. It must be consistent, fair, and administered with love. In raising a child in the path that he should follow, the parent must ensure that he himself follows that path. The task of being a parent is daunting. It’s exciting to see men who take family responsibility seriously and who are caring and compassionate. The way a father talks, the words he uses, the tone of his voice can be encouraging or discouraging. The trustworthiness and integrity he learns from his father will prepare her for the ‘school of hard knocks’ he must go through on his journey to adulthood.

The relationship between father and daughter reaches a very delicate stage when she is in her teens. This period must be negotiated tactfully and efficiently. She must be sure that he values ​​her as an intelligent and independent person. Being aware of her daughter’s sexuality makes many parents uncomfortable. She suddenly feels low on her priority list. Until now, he was the center of her universe. Now his eyes start to wander and focus on other guys. He wants to dress differently and behave differently. Some parents cannot handle these changes well. They may react by being overprotective or arrogant.

o Overprotective: In a society that does not value modesty or sexual purity, the father is afraid that his precious girl will get lost. He feels that it is her duty to set rules about dating and who she will go out with, how she will dress or what company she will have. This ‘paternal neurosis’ is not welcome. The girl feels restricted. For one thing, she can make her feel insecure, like she’s incapable of taking care of herself. On the other hand, she might want to escape this ‘mother’s love’ before it stunts her emotional growth.

o Arrogant: Daughters tend to rebel against dictatorial parents. When rigid rules are imposed that she considers unnecessary, when he restricts her activities, she may begin to fear or hate him. There is a clear inclination to rebel. A father must be sensitive to the growing needs of his daughter and make appropriate allowances. He must negotiate fairly, allowing him to gain confidence and pride in her choices. But he must also convince her that elections have consequences.

A daughter regards her father as a gauge by which she will estimate the worth of other men. If he is well-behaved, trustworthy, honest, and loving, she will look for those qualities in other men. He must also be a praying father, since he reflects the unconditional love of God our father. Child psychologist Phyllis Bronstein says that while a mother teaches nurturing and caring, a father teaches physical competence, self-confidence in asserting opinions, and adventurism. Children with good parents get along with other people and are successful. While those who are abandoned by their parents show lower IQ, poor performance in school, and delinquency.

When parents are abusive, short-tempered, irresponsible, or alcoholic, this also has an adverse impact on daughters. They look for similar traits in husbands or lovers. Regardless of the damage he does to them physically, psychologically, and emotionally, this ‘father hunger’ compels them to seek out these men, hoping that eventually things will change. One parent said: “If I screw up, she’ll spend the rest of her life with a ‘screw up.’ I don’t want that to happen.”

Too much cuddling with Molly is unhealthy and can lead to ‘father fixation’. This type of incorrect parenting can be the cause of the Electra Complex, a psychological term for a girl’s romantic feelings towards her father and anger towards her mother. Carl Jung called it the “feminine Oedipus attitude”. This could even lead to an incestuous relationship between father and daughter.

An anonymous poet has this advice for parents:

“Take stock of yourself and consider your son,

Your time and your thoughts are his;

For how would you answer the Lord if he asks you

What kind of father were you?”