Think about the last time you were involved in an argument or discussion where you reacted. How did you get featured on that exchange? Thorny? Pissed off? Defensive? Powerless? Personally, when I’m being reactive I become susceptible to all kinds of negativity.

In fact, I have to raise my hand and admit that I have recently fallen victim to the ruses of victimhood/reactivity. I allowed another person’s bad behavior and negativity to make me a little nervous. (How exciting it was also with the included F-bombs). Fortunately, during my little visit to the victimhood/reactivity dungeons I remembered something very important; I have a choice whether or not to allow another person’s bad behavior (over which I have no control) to affect me. I also realized that the negativity that was making my heart heavy and sapping my power was also leaving me susceptible to being sucked into more of the drama, chaos, and unhealthiness of the situation.

The bottom line; when we don’t react, we get rid of the negative charge. We cling to our own personal power, that is, we do not allow something or someone else to make us feel small or insignificant or, worse, victims of circumstances.

So here are some things you can try when you find yourself reacting instead of responding:

• During “heated” moments, try to take a deep breath, sit quietly for a moment, and take that time to calm your emotions. Doing something as simple as taking a deep breath will help you come out of that receptive place where words are carefully chosen and thoughts are clearer.
• If necessary, excuse yourself from the conversation by letting the other person know that you’d like to postpone the discussion and do some thinking.
• Allow your emotions or your body’s signals (ie, tension) to serve as a trigger, and then ask yourself the following question: “What do I choose in this moment?” When you remember that you have a choice, you take back your own personal power to respond.

Whatever you choose, it can be truly liberating and quite powerful if it comes from a place of response rather than reactivity. Also, you avoid drama and chaos and experience much more peace and positive well-being, so here is the power to respond.