I really want to save my marriage, but nothing I try seems to work. If that sounds like the thoughts you’ve been having lately, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Whether due to well-intentioned bad advice or just an emotional reaction, there are thousands of us who have made mistakes that end up pushing our partner away. However, once you have an idea of where you might be going wrong, you have a much better chance of healing your marriage.
Put pressure on your spouse!
It’s very easy to do when you’re stressed, but threatening or blaming rarely helps. One of the most common forms of pressure is begging. You may not get down on your knees and cry, but if you are pleading, crying, telling your spouse that you can’t live without him or that he will destroy the children’s lives, it still amounts to emotional blackmail.
Another thing to avoid is trying to pressure your spouse into counseling. Instead of pushing, appeal to logic. For example, you could say something like “Considering all the time we’ve invested in each other, isn’t it worth a few hours of counseling to save that?
Apologize too much!
There’s nothing wrong with apologizing for mistakes you know you’ve made, especially when you have a plan to help you not make them again. The problem comes when you apologize for things you didn’t even do. It sounds insincere at best and mocking at worst. It also makes you look desperate, which is not attractive at all.
More importantly, it doesn’t solve anything. Accept your responsibility for 50% of the problems and acknowledge that you have some issues you need to work out together, but if you mean it when you say, “I want to save my marriage,” don’t take more than your fair share. of guilt
Jumping to conclusions!
Even if you’ve lived with your spouse for decades and think you can read them like a book, you can’t read their minds. He doesn’t assume that he knows how his spouse feels and why he feels that way. After all, your spouse may have been harboring certain emotions about your relationship or unrelated events in the past that interfere with the present.
Dishonesty!
It goes without saying that lies do nothing to build emotional intimacy. Whether you’re hiding your feelings, facts about important events from your past, or your financial details, it’s all going to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. I’m not talking about those little white lies like “No, honey, I don’t think you’ve put on any weight.” There is plenty of room for those. What I mean is something that has an effect on the relationship beyond the next 30 seconds, like lying about your needs in the bedroom or to have time for yourself.
Waiting and waiting!
This is probably the biggest mistake of all, but it’s also the easiest to fix. Many people wait and hope that things will eventually work out. Meanwhile, you and your partner are growing further apart, and any resentment only deepens. Marital problems do not solve themselves any more than they cause themselves. To save a marriage on the brink of divorce, you need to take concrete action now.
If you’ve heard yourself say “I want to save my marriage!” too many times, you may very well be making some of the mistakes most couples make when their marriage hits a rough patch.