When asking how to save their relationship after cheating, many people want to know how to start over with a clean slate. While starting from scratch may seem like a magic bullet, it actually takes time, patience, effort, and perseverance. I hope the following 3 steps help you restore and rebuild love, trust, and good feelings in your relationship …
Step 1. Treat your own emotions; Support your partner in dealing with your own emotions
Both people in a relationship may sincerely mentally wish to start over with a clean slate, in the hope that things will improve overnight. Some may even think that they can avoid the problem and continue life as before … However, we are all emotional and sentimental creatures.
Whether you are the cheater or the hurt partner, you both have feelings that need to be resolved and expressed, if you really want to save your relationship after cheating and work to rebuild a life together.
Do you want your relationship to be based on honesty? Then start by being honest about your own feelings first. If you and your partner don’t deal with the emotions surrounding this event, it can only lead to resentment and bigger problems down the road …
Step 2. Continually take steps to rebuild trust in your relationship.
What does it mean to you to clean the board and start over? Does it mean you’re willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust in your relationship?
Think about how your relationship started … Did it start with immediate trust? Or was it built over time? You may never have had to think about this before. But trust is created when people make little agreements together and stick to them. Trust is created when your partner knows what to expect from you. Now that the cheating has happened, what do you think your partner can expect from you?
Saying that you are sorry and that you will change is not enough. You have to show them through your actions that you are willing to repair the damage. The quickest way to do this is to be completely transparent about what you do with your time and money. For instance,
- Give them access to their email accounts
- Share your work schedule with them
- Answer their questions honestly,
- And much much more …
But perhaps the most powerful way to clean the slate is the next step …
Step 3. Come to an agreement about preserving your relationship
At first glance, reaching an agreement on the preservation of your relationship is a simple task. However, the reality is that there are many aspects to your relationship. This means that you need to be more specific about what you need to agree on.
To give you a better idea, I will share the 4 areas that Dr. Frank Gunzburg suggests that you agree on in his eBook ‘How to survive a hoax‘:
- Agree that you love and appreciate each other and that you want to keep your partner in your life; They are willing to do whatever they can to make your relationship the best it can be.
- Agree to make your relationship a major priority in your life, to put it above all other activities (even if it means negotiating with your boss and family).
- Agree to communicate often and honestly, even if you are not very good at it yet or if it is emotionally painful.
- That you will do what you can to meet the needs of your partner.