One of the hardest things you will have to go through is ending your marriage, but it can be even more difficult if you are the one who has to end it. Most people think that it is more difficult to be the one who is abandoned, but in reality it is very difficult to find the best way to gently end a marriage.

If you’ve reached the level in your marriage where it just doesn’t work anymore and you’re getting sick of dealing with the many hassles, there are a few things you can do that will make it a bit easier for everyone involved when breaking up with your spouse.

The first thing you should do is stop blaming yourself or others. There is most likely enough guilt for everyone, but it is important to find a way to let go of anger, disappointment, and frustration in order to move on. It’s common for people to want to blame their ex, as this can make it easier for them to leave, but this strategy can backfire in the long run. If you spend too much time playing the blame game, it can be nearly impossible to move on and get over your anger and hurt … and that will only hold you back for longer.

If you put aside the need to “be right” and “get your fair share of the deal,” you can move forward more quickly. Couples can easily lose sight of what’s really important … ending the marriage with as little pain as possible.

If you want to make things easier for both of you, make sure you don’t let your feelings get the better of you. This emotional moment will make it very easy for you to want to lash out and let your ex have you by calling you all the names in the book, but if you do, all you’ll end up with is guilt. It will only make you feel bad and look bad. It is better to take the main road than to dive into the gutter. Take the main road and you can look in the mirror in the morning and move faster, which is what you really want to do.

It’s easy to get caught up in feelings of failure, but again, it’s not what you want to hold onto. Instead, realize that people change and that both of you are in some way responsible for the breakdown of the relationship and are willing to move on. The more balanced you can stay at this point, the less baggage you will have to carry into your next relationship … and the rest of your life.

Ending a relationship gracefully is doable, and while there are times when you want to make yourself as obnoxious and unpleasant as possible, in the long run it will only make it easier for you to move on and have a great life and great relationships.