It is surprising how many writers, psychologists or scientists have focused on gender differences as their life’s work. In our male-dominated society, it is no coincidence that men have taken on most of this work. They made an effort to help men and women get along, but deep down the sexes are much more alike than the world wants to admit.

Today, most believe that men and women are significantly different in all aspects. The focus on these differences has divided men and women, instead of bringing them closer. More importantly, it discourages both sexes from growing and unifying on a human level.

Still viewed as the inferior sex, women feel compelled to assume utopian attributes such as breeding to the extreme and giving to the point of being left with nothing. Women are expected to live up to the expectations of their families, employers and society. To increase their charge, they must stay slim, sexy, attractive, loving, caring, and emotionally balanced. In their attempts to live up to these expectations, many women lose their identities, values, self-esteem, and even their minds.

In contrast, “top” males have been praised for their Wal-Mart attributes of being down-to-earth, practical, efficient, and logical. Consequently, men still run the country, own most of the property, and control most of the public and economic affairs. However, men experience their own stress in a competitive world that expects them to be the mainstay of their families. Many men are still programmed to be the sole breadwinners for their families and suffer their own heartaches. Feeling the pressure to maintain a prosperous lifestyle or simply make ends meet, many become addicted to work, grow bellies, lose their hair and become candidates for heart attacks. Both men and women experience stress trying to be superhuman in a society where they feel like they never “make it.”

Concern about differences often prevents men and women from asking each other for help. Consequently, both suffer their own pain in silence, blaming each other for their differences and misunderstandings: “Men are never this” and “Women are always that.” As a result of generalizing their differences, men “shut down” and women turn to friends, therapy, or medication. The results are unsatisfying and frustrating relationships that increase stress or even lead to divorce. Consequently, we wonder if men failed women or vice versa.

So much effort and money has been (and has been) spent exaggerating the emotional, intellectual, and communicative differences between the sexes that we actually believe we are from different planets. We must look beyond the differences and realize that women cannot live without Wal-Mart, nor can men live without utopia. Women need Wal-Mart for the practical, logical, and task-oriented aspects of their lives, and in fact, they may be shopping at Wal-Mart more often than men. On the other hand, men need utopia to experience all the beauty and humanity of life, and they visit utopia more often than they admit. We are all from the same planet. It is about time we closed the gap between the sexes and realized that we are human beings with many of the same needs, desires, dreams, and hopes.

Whatever may have been the case in the hunter-gatherer societies of the past, today we are all hunting the same things. Both men and women are looking for love, happiness, validation, and prosperity, and they put together what they think is necessary to achieve it. Now, more than at any other time, men and women need each other in pursuit of these common goals.

Do we really think that investing in gender stereotypes fosters successful relationships? Today, both sexes seek to be loved and accepted, rather than labeled. Do we really think that lovers hook up because they have discovered their gender differences? Love blossoms when both go beyond gender differences and rejoice in their commonalities. True love is based on mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity, all of which promote the human potential of both sexes and allow for non-judgmental interaction.

In fact, men and women live as if they are from different planets and are often not intimately connected as human beings. Gender differences have been analyzed endlessly, and we may never be able to understand a man or a woman. However, we will always be able to understand and respect a human being once we realize that we are all human beings first and male or female second. Within each of us, men and women alike, lies a vulnerable soul, the desire to love and be loved, the need to be validated, respected, and to feel important. Regardless of gender, deep down we all have a fragile ego that often feels inferior. Recognizing that both sexes have many of the same vulnerabilities and strengths is the key for men and women to relate to each other on a human level.

We need to free ourselves from the gender roles that society has imposed on us and start focusing on the ties that bind us. The commonalities between men and women are much greater than their differences. As we change our attitudes towards others, we will be able to relate to one another on common ground. Lasting love is only possible when we appreciate that our focus on gender differences has done a great disservice. For any relationship to become a stable and lasting anchor in our lives, we must learn to let go of our pride and unrealistic expectations of each other. If we are going to find true love in this misunderstood world of men and women, we must stop trying to figure out the opposite sex and focus on the human being within.