Has something ever happened in your life that, at first glance, seemed like a terrible misfortune, but looking back you see that it was actually a valuable experience, that it taught you something you needed to learn? Sometimes events that look or feel so dire right now turn out to give us inspiration or a new direction and focus.

A fable I read many years ago perfectly sums up my point:

A farmer had a horse, but one day the horse ran away and the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. His neighbors said, “Oh, how unlucky your horse ran away!” But the farmer replied, “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?”

The following week, the horse returned to the farm, bringing with it a herd of wild horses. “What wonderful luck!” the neighbors yelled, but the farmer replied, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

Then the farmer’s son was thrown while trying to ride one of the wild horses and broke his leg. “Ah, what bad luck,” sympathized the neighbors. Once again, the farmer replied, “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?”

A short time later, the ruler of the country recruited all the young men to join his army for battle. The son, with a broken leg, stayed home. “How lucky your son was not forced into battle!” the neighbors celebrated. And the farmer commented, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

In my own life, as a teenager and in my early twenties, I got involved with drugs and alcohol and ended up broke, literally homeless and in trouble with the law. I had no hopes, dreams, or sense of direction in my life. He was completely lost, at a real crossroads and in tremendous pain. I felt there had to be something better than this. So I decided to choose something better for myself.

(Note that I did not know what to choose, but I knew what I did not want, which was my first step).

The first thing I did was stop drinking and using drugs, get a job, and start looking for a way out, which was not easy for a 22-year-old. Boy, did I feel sorry for myself. Looking back almost 30 years later, what seemed like the end of the world was actually the beginning of a whole new life, which I might never have found if I hadn’t crashed and burned at such a young age. Now I am living a life that I could never have imagined when I was 22 years old.

Find opportunities within challenges

This morning, I was talking to a dear friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer for the third time. She shared with me that the two previous times she underwent a diagnosis and treatment for cancer, she learned incredible lessons along the way. While you wouldn’t wish this on her or anyone else, you can acknowledge the gifts your journey has brought you.

He went on to say that after the shock of the news that the cancer had reappeared, he realized. While he doesn’t know if this third episode will be ‘his moment’ or not, he realized that, either way, he needs to address some unfinished business with two of his sons. You feel like you have to deal with it. Through her terrible news, once again comes the urgency and courage to face her toughest problems head-on. She has decided to be honest with her children and share what she knows must be said in her heart.

Successful people share with me, over and over again, similar stories about some perceived terrible events such as divorce, illness, or loss that drastically changed the course of their lives. However, that change may also have led them to a place that is indescribably better than they ever imagined. If those supposedly dire experiences hadn’t happened, they might not have found the determination to make other changes happen along the way.

I am not suggesting that there are no tragedies or losses. What I am saying is that loss and pain can only be one aspect of a difficult experience; The positives can come from turning our challenges into meaningful experiences. For example, a mother who lost her child to a drunk driver formed Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD), an organization that has saved many lives. Helen Keller used the lack of sight or hearing to teach the rest of us important lessons about life. Nelson Mandela spent half his life in prison trying to bring peace to South Africa, but left his cell to lead his country as its first post-apartheid president.

The next time you notice something really bad, try to remember that it could also be another gift in disguise. Everything is in the way you look at it.

“There are no mistakes, there are no coincidences; all events are blessings that we have been given to learn.” -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

“All adversity contains an equal or greater benefit.” -Napoleon Hill