What is it about menopause that makes us run in the opposite direction trying to grab onto our youth?

I would have thought my home was under attack when I started experiencing it many years ago. Fearful of the symptoms it brought with it, I repeatedly battled it, leaving me in a constant state of anxiety, feeling tired, and emotionally unbalanced. Why do we resist an inevitable part of life, a transition to another phase? How many other women were going through the same difficulties as me?

Something that I had feared had arrived, I was ready for it or not, I was afraid of losing my appearance, my well-formed figure, I was worried that my husband would change me for a younger model, since this would be the fashion now. The greatest fear of all was the inability to have a child, not being able to bring another human being into this world. The cessation of menstruation meant the end of my fertile years, a difficult one to accept. I knew that, as part of the process, life itself had made that decision for me. The reality was this, he could cry all day for the next twenty years or he could learn to accept it.

Once I realized that this was going nowhere, I stopped fighting what was a natural part of my life and began to follow the process of change.

The most important question I asked was what can I do to help myself? I started researching and spoke to other women who were in the same position, most if not all were on HRT. As a life coach, I was interested to know if any of them had made lifestyle changes as well, as the answer turned out to be no.

Determined not to want to go the HRT route, I decided to practice what I preached and took a good look at my own life.

Hot sweats and mood swings were an everyday occurrence. On one occasion when I went out to dinner with my husband while eating roast beef, my face grew increasingly red. In the middle of the restaurant I found myself taking off the sweater I was wearing to reveal a rather skimpy see-through vest underneath, much to the amusement of the other diners. My husband just ignored it and kept eating to avoid any more redness on my face. This was a breakthrough, after that I always came out armed with a variety of clothes hidden in my bag, so when hot flashes hit me I could slip up to the ladies and change into something cooler.

We decided to sit at opposite ends of the living room to have our late-night conversations; At the time I was suffering from hot flashes, so as my husband sat curled up on the radiator to warm himself, I was sitting by an open window and breathing a sigh of relief. We were in the depths of a Yorkshire winter and the icy air rushed into the room creating a kind of North Pole effect. Bedtime caused even more hilarity when I pulled on and off the blankets all night kicking my legs in and out depending on the severity of the heat I was feeling. He, on the other side of the bed, was tucked into apple pie, terrified that she would pull the covers off him. I tirelessly went through my linen closet donating all my old flannel sheets to charity and replacing them with fresh cotton ones, bliss!

I was starting to look for other positive ways to improve my quality of life. It took me a while, but I finally realized that by labeling what I saw as the dreaded menopause, I was succeeding. So I changed my attitude towards him, stopped calling him feared and accepted him as part of life, instead of rejecting him.

What a step forward was this, yes, I was still flushing, but due to my change in attitude, I suddenly didn’t care anymore. Instead of seeing them as the enemy, I allowed the sensations to just happen. If this scares you, trust me, there is nothing to fear, I had taken a yes approach to menopause that I found worked. Once this happened, I wanted to make more improvements. Being a life coach helped me re-evaluate where I was in my own life. I began to focus my energies on what other positive steps I could take and made some lifestyle changes that were of enormous benefit.

I loved being outside in nature, so I would take regular walks, sometimes drive the car to some beautiful place, and sit outside. I took a picnic to spend the afternoon there. I had a favorite book to read and I really gave myself the time I needed. Having worked with women for several years, I knew from experience that we can be guilty of not allowing ourselves the time and space to cultivate our own needs, while worrying about taking care of children, spouse, and pets.

It is important to do the things you enjoy, whether it be gardening, walking, dancing, whatever feels right for you. It is a time to listen to the wisdom of your own body, in other words, let your body speak to you; It will let you know by the way you feel, and if you listen to it, it will pay dividends.

Never be afraid to try something new, menopause has been a time of exciting change for me. I wrote a novel, started Pilate and started growing my own vegetables with tai chi, and rescued chickens, all of which have given me great satisfaction and pleasure. I found a new interest in food and what it was doing to my body. I spend time at the grocery store reading labels because I want to know what I’m eating, and as far as budget allows, I buy organic vegetables, especially in winter when I can’t grow my own. I want to minimize any chemicals in my body.

I got a local box scheme that introduced me to seasonal vegetables rather than eating out of season, this inspired me to get creative in the kitchen. Roasted pumpkin with herbs and garlic dusted with sunflower seeds is a firm favorite. I have experimented with legumes, gradually introducing new ones into my diet. Far from being boring, they enlivened the dishes, which I proudly taste with my husband, who often raises an eyebrow, muttering under his breath about where is his steak and kidney pie.

I was adjusting to my new life, finding confidence in my abilities. I was realizing that I could make it harder for me or I could see it for what it was, the beginning of something new in the book of life. There are many things that can help with some of the discomforts of menopause, homeopathy being just one of them, I found it to be a great help. Make sure it feels good to you and choose a doctor with whom you are comfortable.

One of the best ways to help yourself is to try to have a positive mental attitude, which is not always easy, I know. Try to focus on all the good things in life, be grateful for what you already have, it is the little things that make the difference. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you can still live life to the fullest. Take the opportunity to turn it into something good. Talk to friends who can empathize with you, talk to your partner. If you feel tense about things, be honest; don’t be afraid to express yourself, you may be surprised at what happens.

A word about meditation or relaxation, don’t underestimate its power. This can be a wonderful way to help yourself if you are willing to give it a try. I have been meditating for many years and I would not be without it, the health benefits are huge and very positive. For me it is as important a part of my daily life as putting on lipstick before I go to work. If you hate the idea of ​​sitting at home to do this, there are some good groups that will give you the support you need to get started.

Last but not least, be kind to yourself, we don’t do it right all the time and we don’t have to be perfect, but we can learn to live with menopause and make it a positive transition, rather than seeing it as the end. of our lives. Invest in the help of a coach who can help you make the changes you want to make. As someone very close to me always says. It is a work in progress.