Probably sixty percent of the emails I receive are from wives facing the reality of a divorce. Almost everyone wants to save their marriage and is not yet ready to throw in the towel. They want to know: if their husbands can change their minds and reconsider a divorce; how they can make this happen; and when this change could occur. I will answer these questions in the next article.
It cannot force you to stop the divorce, but it can contribute to your desire to: Many wives approach this as a battle. The emails I receive ask for tips to “get” or “get” me to change my mind. This wording alone implies that you are trying to force your arm or trick this man into doing something he just doesn’t want to do, almost as if he is kicking and screaming all the way back, but will reluctantly just come back. the same. Is this really what you want?
Of course, no. You will have a much greater degree of success and satisfaction if you can get to a place where you are equally committed and willing to save the marriage. You want him to want to be there as much as you want him to. And you are not likely to catch up if you attack as an adversary or if you take a combative stance.
In fact, you almost want to do the opposite. You want him to think that you are committed to his happiness and to helping him get what he wants (although we both know this will lead to YOU getting what you want).
Ignore the divorce for now and focus on the day-to-day: The truth is that many women act badly and desperately with the threat of divorce on the horizon. This little word causes panic, fear, and despair, all very negative emotions that can cause you to do or say things that you are very likely to regret later. We are dedicated to bombarding you with questions and accusations. We try to make you feel guilty. Or we are just so unpleasant because we want to lash out at him to make him feel as hurt as we do. But, all of these things only make you a hole deeper and further away from your true goal.
So even though it may be difficult at first, I want you to forget about the divorce. It will run a lot higher and be a lot more convincing when you don’t have this threat on your neck. Promise, at least for the next few months, to take things day by day. Divorces take time to be final. You probably have more time than you think, and counting the days will only cause you to react negatively. At this point, we will take things day by day, conduct ourselves with dignity and grace, and focus only on ending our time with husband on a positive note. Yes, they are small victories. But, small victories eventually build on themselves until a new reality is created.
Know that your husband will change his mind about the divorce when he shows you that things really can change in your marriage: Well, here is the short answer. I have a little knowledge about men who have filed for divorce. Many of them write to me and tell me what they are feeling. Almost everyone tells me that divorce is a reality because they simply feel that things cannot and will not change. They share that they feel more like a brother or roommate than their wives. They feel that their wife no longer dedicates time to them, that she cares more about the children, their career, their parents and their family. They tell me that there is no longer laughter, intimacy, or feeling of connection. And they tell me this has been going on for so long and they have repeatedly tried to fix it, and now, they are pretty sure it won’t change and there is no way to rescue it.
At the end of the day, the core of a divorce is often a lack of connection and intimacy. Because when two people feel this, they can usually weather any marital storm. So if you want to change your man’s opinion on divorce, then you need to focus on restoring these things and showing your husband by your actions, not your words, that you can succeed with this.
This probably seems like a difficult task when you don’t live together or at least don’t have access to it. This is where approaching him from a place of association comes into play. It is important to let her know that you agree that the marriage is broken and that you both deserve better. Explain that he is too important to you to allow things to deteriorate in this way. So, you will focus on what you can, get out of this in a way that you can be proud of. You may be hesitant at first, but as you drive this way it will eventually get a little warm.
When it does, it is very important that you do your best. Listen carefully. Lean in when you speak. Emphasize that you are on your side and have your back. Because in truth, you are already the person who can turn your husband’s eyes and possess his heart. You already did it once. But somehow, somehow, the stress of everyday life took a bit of the shine off this woman. Now is the time to get it back and claim it. Because she is who her husband really loves. And once she comes back, and you approach him from a partner ship spot (and move slowly), everything else should fall into place.