I sometimes hear from panicked spouses who are being completely ignored after their cheating or affair is discovered. Often they know that they deserve the wrath of their spouse, but are afraid that their spouse will continue to ignore them and that this could mean that their cheating will contribute to ending their marriage for good.

I heard a wife say, “I admitted to cheating on my husband because I just couldn’t take the guilt anymore. And at the end of the day, I wanted to be honest so I could save my marriage. I knew my husband would be furious and he was. But he was. I didn’t expect him to kick me out, which is exactly what he did. He barely said a word and showed me the door. I left because I thought he needed some time to think. However, it’s been over a week and he doesn’t answer my calls No phone calls or text message back. I showed up at the house the other day and he came to the door and shook his head as if to prove no, he wouldn’t let me in or even acknowledge my presence. Through the door, I asked him if he was going to ignore me forever and he shrugged and turned and walked away. I understand his anger, but I absolutely hate being ignored. What does it mean to ignore me? What should I do? “I will try to answer these questions. in the next article.

As difficult as it may be, you often want to give your spouse some space: I know this is a difficult situation. Many people tell me that they would actually rather have their spouse yell and yell all kinds of insults than just ignore them. I understand this because even if your spouse is angry at you, he or she is at least experiencing enough emotion to have a reaction, even if it is negative.

But if they don’t seem to be experiencing a lot of excitement, and as a result, they ignore you, you begin to wonder if this will go on forever or if they’ve pulled out entirely. I understand that you feel this way, but I understand that your spouse is probably reeling and you are not sure how you really feel. As someone who has been misled, I can tell you that you often feel very different from hour to hour. Sometimes you are furious. Other times you are hurt. And there are many times when you are confused. And, when your spouse keeps showing up demanding that you talk to them, this can make things worse for you, which brings me to the next point.

How to react when your spouse keeps ignoring you after they get caught cheating or having an affair: I know it might be tempting to try to get your spouse involved or get mad at him just to give him an idea of ​​how this feels. But try to avoid negative emotions directed at them. None of this is their fault. In fact, it was your actions that set this in motion. If you want to save your marriage with your spouse, it really pays to have a little patience and focus on their well-being rather than your own.

They probably won’t ignore you forever, but let them finish off this stale companion on their own terms. They deserve to be able to set the pace at their own comfort level. Many spouses in this situation tell me that they are not sure how to proceed. They want to understand and respect their spouse’s need for space. But, at the same time, they don’t want to leave their spouse’s life so quickly that they don’t seem to care.

There really is a fine line. My advice would be to avoid face-to-face confrontations until invited. It will probably be painful and confusing for your spouse to see you show up at your house unannounced to gauge your reaction. Instead, you may want to communicate through text messages, email, or by sending flowers or cards. But don’t be aggressive about it. Instead of sending messages saying “how long do you plan to ignore me” or “you can’t dodge me forever”, you want the message to be supportive rather than pushy. If you want, you can say something like, “I respect that you don’t want to see or talk to me right now. But I just want you to know that I love you and that I only care about your best interests. As long as you are ready to talk or have questions, I am available to you whenever possible. If there’s anything I can do to help you heal or offer some relief, all you have to do is say the word. “

You see the difference? You are signing up to show that you care and are offering support and reassurance. But you are not pressuring them or trying to make them feel guilty or selfish about their isolation.