Larry: Why didn’t they tell us?

Bob: Because they didn’t know it themselves. They knew even less than we did, if you can imagine such a thing. They really believed that there was God, motherhood, the flag, and apple pie.

Larry: You mean you knew it all along? Je n’ai pas! I feel like an idiot at fifty-one, but I was focused on those lies like everyone else. He didn’t want to know anything about the truth. More exactly, he didn’t want to know that there really wasn’t any truth. It would have been too scary to have nothing to believe in. I guess I wanted security instead of reality. I think I still do, but somehow those “truths” have eroded so much that I can no longer pretend to believe in them, no matter how hard I try.

Bob: I know exactly what you are talking about. The only thing is that now we have nothing left, nothing to replace the old “truths”. You know, the ones that our parents and their parents passed on to us. We had nothing to do with its creation and content. They were blatant constructions of an artificial reality in which we did not participate. But they seemed to be an absolutely accurate presentation of our reality. So of course we believed in them. It was certainly easier that way. He felt more secure. He felt safe.

Larry: But why did we believe in them so easily?

Bob: Beliefs are very seductive, who wouldn’t want to believe them? We start with this character named Mommy, who is just perfect, caring and unconditionally accepts everything we do. Who would say no to that?

Larry: WOW! You’re right.

Bob: So we started to believe in Santa Claus who is totally generous and loving. Do you notice a topic in development?

Larry: Yeah, it’s about being loved and accepted and not having to live up to anyone’s expectations. It’s about staying a child forever. It has nothing to do with growing up. It is about holding on to child dependency without having to give up the warm and welcoming world of the child for the harsh world of the adult.

Bob: Exactly! Who would even want to glimpse reality if it weren’t necessary? It is very unpleasant and scary. Santa and Mom are a pretty dynamic duo. They are even better than Batman and Robin. So here you are suggesting that this is all bullshit, which it is. Oh God, I wince when I say that. And then you further suggest that you and I have to create a reality, our own reality that will replace the previous one, the one that was built for us. Is that what you’re saying?

Larry: However, it is.

Bob: Well, all you have to do is invent something, build a new reality of your own. But there is a problem … you will be aware that it is your construction and therefore you will know from the beginning that you invented it and that it is not real. You will probably never be able to believe it since you made it up … all by yourself.

Larry: God, we’re screwed. We are caught right in the middle of a constructed reality, caught right in the middle of a terrifying constructed truth that we had nothing to do with creating. Oh this sucks! (Larry writhes in pain on the floor).

Bob: However, isn’t that where you always thought you wanted to be? Right in the middle of the truth and nothing but the truth?

Larry: Yes, or so I thought. But to hell with that now. God, we are really stuck in the middle of nowhere. There is nothing here. There are no mind games to play. There are no “Great Books” that contain the wisdom of the ages.

I always thought it was all silly. I always knew that Aristotle contradicted the writings of his mentor, Plato. And Aquinas contradicted Augustine, and Marx contradicted Hegel. And it went on and on and on. But we were younger and I thought that one day there would be an answer for us.

Bob: Why didn’t you stop believing then?

Larry: Because it was too scary to stop. But, Bob, you bastard, you sound like you knew everything about this reality and for a long time. We are best friends. Why didn’t you let me in?

Bob: Because I wasn’t so convinced. I didn’t want to know the certainty either. Deep inside me, I always knew that it would be impossible to continue living with this knowledge.

Larry: Are we really screwed? What the hell are we supposed to do now?

Bob: About what?

Larry: About living the rest of our lives.

Bob: What can we do? We have to keep living and filling in the blanks. We have to kill time.

Larry: How? What do we fill in the blanks with?

Bob: With whatever comes up right now, like we did before. The difference is that we will now be aware that whatever we use to fill in the blanks will be a fabrication, our fabrication should never be taken seriously. There will be times when we will want to take things seriously and will be seduced into believing again. Although we know it is our build, our concoction was created a minute earlier. It will be tempting as hell, but we can no longer fool ourselves.

Larry: Why can’t we start to believe again?

Bob: It may feel good to believe again, but it will just become the new truth for us to start doubting and questioning. Then we will begin our circular and endless quiz game … we will never get the correct answer, even on our deathbed. Is that what you want?

Larry: No, God, is this a strange place to be or what? Never question anything again. Knowing nothing and knowing that everything is nonsense. And I always thought it would be very liberating.

Bob: Isn’t it?

Larry: No, and you know it isn’t.

Bob: A little sugar makes the medicine go down …

Larry: How true is that. I never realized it before. And I have always especially liked sugar. I wonder if that means anything. Do you think it means something?

Bob: Yes, it means you saw Mary Poppins. You like me?

Larry: No, I didn’t enjoy it. I hate the fantasy bull …

Bob: Look, since I’ve known you, you’ve never allowed yourself to enjoy anything. Somewhat eventually and quite quickly, you will be disappointed. It’s more like – diving in! shock! You are excited about something and have high hopes. Then, just when you are about to get comfortable, you bump into conflict. (Long pause) Actually, you should be the only person I know who should feel comfortable in a world of total uncertainty. (Another long pause) … but you’re not.

Larry: That’s because I want certainty more than anyone I know. (Long pause). I think it has to do with my father’s death when I was five years old.

James A. Gibson, Ph.D. © 2004 All rights reserved
Email: [email protected]