Orgasm is a basic physiological response of the human body. Just as the same mechanism makes men and women sneeze, we also orgasm in the same way. Regardless of gender and orientation, both the anatomy and the trigger are the same. We massage the tumescent phallus and focus our mind on explicit aspects of eroticism. Orgasm techniques are similar whether we are male or female, alone or with a lover, gay or straight.
The phallus (penis or clitoris) is always involved in achieving orgasm. It is inconceivable that men and women have developed a response as fundamental as orgasm through different evolutionary routes. This is where the anatomical anterior comes into play. The same anatomy is involved for men and women. The penis and clitoris may not look alike, but they develop from the same anatomy in all fetuses, regardless of gender. The vagina develops from the female reproductive glands that are worn out in the male.
The penis acts as a sexual organ and as a reproductive organ. So, men enjoy orgasm (which triggers ejaculation) as part of their reproductive function in intercourse. The female reproductive anatomy (vagina) complements male sexuality (male sexual desire). But for women, intercourse has a purely reproductive function. A woman has a separate anatomy. The vagina is a reproductive organ. The clitoris is the sexual organ. Women’s responsiveness (ability to orgasm) reflects male sexuality, including the instinct to thrust.
If we want to understand responsiveness, a good place to start is with male sexuality. When men have sex or masturbation, they stimulate their penis rhythmically until orgasm. This is logical because the orgasm was the motivation for the stimulation. Similarly, there is no reason to continue stimulation after orgasm because the goal has been achieved. No one can predict the exact moment of an orgasm. But intercourse stimulates a woman’s vagina only while the man has an erection (until ejaculation). No one (not even a man) can orgasm within the limits set by another person’s responses. We also can’t orgasm exactly as often as someone else.
The idea that women (but not men) need a lover with specialized stimulation skills to make them orgasm or give them an orgasm is a fallacy. Orgasm is a specific erotic phenomenon that occurs relatively predictably given the appropriate psychological and physical stimuli. But physical stimulation (regardless of who provides it) is a secondary issue. Mental arousal is much more crucial and must be achieved before physical stimulation can be effective (lead to orgasm reliably). When we become receptive in adolescence (all men but very few women), we discover orgasm for ourselves. Only a small number of young people have a spontaneous orgasm. Most of us need to focus on an erotic stimulus. We create our own orgasm because what happens in our mind makes us orgasm.
Arousal occurs when the mind tunes into erotic thoughts or images. We are aware of arousal because this trigger increases blood flow to the pelvic area. In turn, this increased blood flow causes the erectile organ (penis or clitoris) to become sensitive to stimulation. This sensitivity is considerably higher for a man. A woman gets relatively little pleasure from massaging the clitoral organ only during masturbation.
Sexual activity that is aimed at orgasm is not accompanied by dialogue. Anyone who wants to have an orgasm needs to focus on the mental stimuli that cause arousal. Only during masturbation do we always need some kind of fantasy to achieve arousal. These fantasies must be explicitly erotic and include aspects of sex that are arousing enough to achieve orgasm. Fantasies are based on the individual’s personal erotic preferences.
Masturbation is based on instinctive thrusting behavior. It is not consciously determined by the individual, but it happens because the individual does what is natural when he is mentally aroused. We could randomly experiment with different masturbation techniques, but it doesn’t make much sense. The men use a technique they know from experience to achieve orgasm in the most efficient way. Similarly, once she discovers orgasm, a woman uses the same position and stimulation because they work reliably.
Preparation for orgasm involves rhythmic movements of the whole body, centered in the pelvis. The hips are pushed forward, the thigh and buttock muscles are flexed. This is instinctive behavior that puts pressure on the internal sexual organ (penis or clitoris). The sexual organ (clitoris or penis) is simultaneously stimulated from behind (or from within) and from in front (by moving the surrounding skin over the glans penis or clitoris).
Although men are much more flexible in the position in which they can orgasm, they often prefer a position that is above the woman and on their stomachs. A woman lies on her stomach with her hands on her vulva. This position allows for the thrusting movement and squeezing of the buttocks that is critical to achieving orgasm. Women do not reach orgasm with intercourse because the position they need for orgasm is incompatible with intercourse. Intercourse does not allow a woman the focus she needs in orgasmic fantasy. She, too, cannot emulate the male role of thrusting to orgasm.
The basic physiology of the sexual response is essentially the same between women and men. (Alfredo Kinsey 1953)