I am realizing how few people in relationships are willing to play and explore with their loved ones. When people decide to get into a relationship, everything becomes serious and meaningful. Even the search for a relationship, we make it meaningful. As a couple, the ability to remain playful and curious is what will get you through the tough times in your relationships.

In my relationship with my husband, Melvin, I remember when we played games and we broke up. We travel, make fun of each other and enjoy the art of getting to know each other. The laughter came easily through our jokes, playing backgammon, chess, and cards. We play… yes; we play to the fullest in our getting to know each other.

It was what I would call a serious game. But, I remember once we got married, I said, “Now is the time to get serious!” And guess what, I ditched the art of gambling from our marriage. We stop playing.

What I have observed is the importance of maintaining a sense of play in relationships. The game keeps things moving and the atmosphere of a relationship is light on spirit. Also, I learned that it takes about 15 years to understand a culture of any kind. In my opinion, a relationship is its own culture, so in that sense, it takes that amount of time to understand your partner, which is part of the culture of your relationship. It’s also important to maintain that sense of curiosity.

I remember when I was a child I was curious about life. He wanted to know how the world worked. As a consequence, he was always exploring outdoors. From the moment I woke up and ate my breakfast, I’d tell my mom she’d be back later and run off to explore what I could in my area of ​​the world that I was allowed to play in.

But, I was exploring. He was still curious and interested in things and people around me. Then when I got married, it was about taking our relationship to the next level, and all sense of play and curiosity was for all practical purposes gone. I stopped questioning and started accusing. Why are you doing things that way? What do you mean by that?

My questions were not from an interested party, but to find out if it was part of my agenda, and if not, then how can I close it so that it does not threaten me, as in my identity. What I was doing was failing to see the beauty in remaining open to learning about this wonderful person I have chosen to spend my time with on this journey I call my life. Realizing that I was depriving myself of learning about this fabulous and wonderful person, I had cut myself off from the qualities that I had enjoyed and cultivated as a child…curiosity!

I invite you to look at your current relationships and see if you have lost the sense of serious play and curiosity in this relationship. See if you have tension and conflict in those areas. What’s probably missing are those key ingredients to maintain a playful balance between fun and mystique.

When we consciously choose to bring a sense of play, and it can be serious play, the kind of play where you put your whole heart and soul into the effort, you are willing to participate in the fun and magic of your relationship. Also, when you decide to stay curious while learning about your partner or someone else, the tension and conflict will cease to exist.

When I play Melvin, I’m curious about how he approaches life and how he solves problems. This allows me to learn things about him that I wouldn’t know otherwise. I have also learned that when I bring fun and curiosity into our marriage there is a sense of openness, joy and harmony that flows between us.

Also, I invite single people looking for a partner to relax, play and discover the fun and magic that can be found in the manifestation of their partner. In our group coaching program, we have some members who are aware of how important and serious they have made the process of finding a partner. His approach to internet dating has become serious minus the game. They have removed all the game play and exploration to find your life mate and made it a serious endeavor.

I don’t know about you, but when I am being chased by another, I am always more interested in those who are cheerful and playful to woo me. My attitude is “If you can’t bring the fun, don’t bother meeting me.”

Life offers us many opportunities to be serious and meaningful, and I don’t think relationships should be one of them. We can successfully master relationships through play and curiosity. Try it! I challenge you to change your attitude towards play and curiosity and see if you don’t notice a difference in how open the other is towards you from this point of view.