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After taking a break from your ex and then deciding that now is the time to try and text him, you may find yourself in a dilemma. It’s hard enough trying to figure out what to say in those first few texts to your ex. But that is not his only problem.

What happens when your ex talks back? What do you say then? How do you respond to his answer?

Hopefully, you were careful with the first few text messages you sent. After all, you shouldn’t be trying to get your ex back from the start.

Instead, you simply want to open the lines of communication and give your ex a chance to start a conversation, but only if he or she wants to. Your first few text messages should never pressure your ex to get her to reply.

So let’s assume you did that and you feel a good text “through the arc” to get things rolling. Maybe it was something like, “I caught myself thinking about you when I heard that Adele song you love. I hope you’re doing well.”

Now it’s a waiting game. How is your ex going to respond? There are 4 possible scenarios.

1.) No response at all

2.) A neutral response

3.) A positive response

4.) A negative response

If you don’t get any response, that’s fine. Don’t worry about that. Your ex may not be ready to hear from you. Wait a few days or a week, and then try again with another variation of text message. Whatever you do, don’t start sending them message after message asking them why they don’t reply.

A neutral response is something like “Thank you” or “I’m fine, thanks. You?” If your ex responds like this, you may be tempted to respond and strike up a long conversation with him. But you shouldn’t. Instead, he responds in a friendly but equally neutral way and ends the conversation.

For example, “I’m good. Hey, I have to go, but it’s nice to hear from you. Bye for now.”

Chances are you won’t get a super positive response unless you broke up with your ex and he’s excited to hear from you because he wasn’t ready for the relationship to end. If he broke up with you, he may have realized that he made a mistake, too, and therefore he may be very happy to hear from you.

Again, don’t get into a long conversation. Treat this as a neutral answer. Reply that you are doing great, it was awesome hearing from them, but you have to go and then end the conversation. This will make them miss you and yearn for you even more.

Lastly, if you receive an extremely negative response from your ex, then you will need to give him more time. In this case, don’t text them again for several weeks. If he says something like, “I’m still really hurt and I really don’t want to talk to you right now,” just say something like, “I’m sorry. I totally get it. I hope you’re okay.”

No matter what response you get from your ex, always be the first to end the conversation and resist the urge to get into a long, drawn-out conversation. It’s extremely hard to resist the urge to talk to them more, especially when you get a positive response, but you’ll put yourself in a much better position to win them back if you keep them wanting more.

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